Paint It Black

Tonight i kidnapped Beth's car and realized how much i really enjoy (and miss) driving at night with really good tunes. And of course with Beth, there is an abundance of good tunes in the car... sorry guys, no Brittney Spears.

Anyway, there i was owning the road, rocking to a cover of Paint It Black by the Rolling Stones and imagining Beth's Blue Ford Focus was a black '74 Firebird, a '69 Camero, or my fave, a 1964 Ford Mustang, no fast back baby! Ahem, anyway... I really enjoy this song and it totally speaks to how i have been feeling lately.

"I see a red door and I want it painted black,
No colors anymore I want them to turn black,
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes,
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes,
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black,
With flowers and my love both never to come back,
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away,
Like a new born baby it just happens every day,
I look inside myself and see my heart is black,
I see my red door and it has been painted black,
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts,
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black..."

The last verse of the song talks about wanting the sun to turn black. I am not exactly sure where i am going with this, but i got home and read Isaiah 9:2, which says,
"The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shined."

The NIV says, "on those living in the land of the shadow of death" which makes me think of Psalm 23, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me."

All this sparked the meandering of my thoughts that may (or may not) be worth sharing.

Sometimes we choose to walk in darkness.
We walk in darkness and prefer it.
Sometimes Christian culture seems all hearts and flowers, and that makes me want to puke.
Maybe this is why Christian movies suck.
These are God given emotions so i should allow myself to feel, but at what point am i sulking/sinning?
God is doing a mighty work in me and i am blessed by these trials far more than not going through them... and i feel black.