Owned

This week i've been wrecked. My symptoms went out of control, as did my plans. I had just spoken to my pastor about how i, "roll with the punches," because it seems every time i make a decision, God has something else in mind. So i decided to be more prayerful about my decisions and i actually made some... then the plans changed... and i made some more.

The thing i love about this illness is that it constantly reminds me that i am not in control. I am a very stubborn person and when i set my mind on something, you'd have a pretty tough time convincing me otherwise. God doesn't need to be convincing. Wednesday i planned to go to class, rehearse my music, and then go to show rehearsal. God planned for me to be so dizzy and nauseated that getting out of bed wasn't an option.

At first i was irritated because there was so much i "needed" to accomplish that day and i didn't have time to be ill. By the end of the day i was more joyful than i had been for weeks. My dear friend Ben came over to check in on me and we wrote a song together. I did some free writing and among my scattered laments was scripture that shone truth over the lies.

I planned to get stuff done that day and God planned to minister to my heart through a friend and talents He had given us.