My Cup, His Glory

As some of you may now know, recently my neurologists have added Fibromyalgia to my long list of diagnoses.
In everything else I had been diagnosed with, there was still a glimmer of hope that I'd be cured. Though none of them had a clear fix -there was no, "take two and call me in the morning"- I did see healing. I knew that God could bind up my wounds and thus heal PTSD and possibly reverse Psychosomatization as He had already been replacing depression and anxiety with hope. The nerve pain and headaches that had previously rendered me bed ridden had, for the most part, healed. I still struggled with both but on a vastly lower level. And now chronic muscle pain and spasms were my biggest complaints.

I visited my general doctor and asked if we could try massage therapy and muscle relaxers to help with muscle pain and fatigue I was still having. I assumed this was just a plateau for a time before I got better. I wasn't seeking any answers because it seemed to me that my God was healing me and this season of pain was soon to be over. So when I had two neurologists telling me "Fibromyalgia", I was a bit surprised. To be more accurate, I was in disbelief. I checked their notes, went home and Googled it, looked over my pain journal and began looking for second opinions.

I went through the stages of grief quite quickly and very aware of every step. I had been through it so much that it was pretty routine. Ultimately, I came to realize that nothing has changed and I have lost nothing. The pain and weakness in my body did not change. God did not change. He is still the living God of the Universe and I am still going to Him... but when I get there I'll be carrying in my body more of the death of Jesus than I had thought.

I believe that God can heal this syndrome even if man cannot. However, I also believe that God's glory is revealed to man more in longsuffering. Think about it. If God miraculously heals someone, how often, how quickly will that one act be forgotten? I can't promise that every breath would be a breath of thankfulness for what He had done. Yet, in longsuffering man will be continually perplexed by supernatural hope, supernatural joy, supernatural peace. Chronic pain is a chronic reminder of Christ - you can't get away from either if you tried. God can show His glory in one act and He can show His glory for a lifetime. I welcome God's glory for my lifetime with tears of pain overshadowed by supernatural hope, supernatural joy, and supernatural peace. No contest.