I have been thinking a lot about the adoptive grace of God and have come to realize that i have a lot of trouble with this. Not that i do not believe that God is full of grace and showers it freely upon those who believe; but some how i have a hard time accepting that it is for me too. Every time i hear of God's adopting grace and love for us, i choke back tears, struggling to believe that "us" includes me (Lord, i believe; help my unbelief!). I have no problem telling anyone, when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. But to tell myself, and because you, Jennifer Lynn are a son, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into your heart Jennifer, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you, Jennifer Lynn are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God... that brings tears to my eyes. I want so badly for it to be true; yet there is an ounce of disbelief that says, it is to good to be true, you are to unworthy.
Proverbs 22:6 says, Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The "way" spoken here is actually in the negative, meaning train up a child in corrupt ways and he will not depart from that way of life. However, once Christ takes hold of your heart and you submit to Him as Lord over your life, Christ has taken you by the hand and with Him you have then departed - but the work isn't over.
After years of training that no gift is ever free, it really does take the continual daily covering of redemptive blood to accept Christ's free gift. I was taught that every gift had a price and oh man, if only that price were money! Every gift came back to haunt. Every gift was used as leverage. Every gift was used as a tool for guilt. Even everyday provisions for a child were these so called gifts. So logically, if someone were to offer me a free gift of salvation do you think i would take him up on it. A resounding, NO! That is a weighty gift with an infinite price that i could not, nor have any desire to pay. If it weren't for Christ - Who is the weighty gift and paid the infinite price - and His love, i would have continued in destruction sinning in response to the sin against me. Looking back on this, my salvation was truly a miracle. God wanted me that much. That is what i must remember when doubt comes.
11For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.