Not so Lil' Update

It has been a little over five months since i was diagnosed and i am pleased to say that i no longer have chronic pain. I still have pain - and i'll explain why in a bit - but it is so minimal compared to what it was before. God answers prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, and sometimes not yet; but He always answers. To the request of Him to take away this physical pain that has been in my body for four years, He has answered, "Yes,"! Praise God and thank you all who have kept me in your prayers!

So, what is the diagnosis? I realize i never clearly laid it out for you. Mainly because of my self-conscientiousness. It is a bit complicated and takes some explaining and an open mind... here it goes...

I have been diagnosed with what medicine calls, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with Somatization. Most people know what PTSD is but Somatization isn't so well known. The full term (which i don't like to use because of the connotation the first part of the word may evoke) is Psychosomatization, which basically means (psyche = mind, soma = body) that emotional/spiritual pain is manifested in physical pain. The diagnosis helps to understand what is happening, however, i think sometimes we use diagnoses as excuses for our behavior instead of actually pursuing the hard work of healing the heart issue. I prefer to say that i have a troubled soul that Christ is healing as i will and work.

So what do you do for that?
Most doctors will prescribe mood altering medication and psychiatric therapy. I do not recommend either. Before i was diagnosed, my neurologist put me on Cymbalta for the pain. It is a medication that changes the chemical balance in your brain. Originally it was for depression and anxiety but later was found to help relieve nerve pain and Fibromyalgia. I sought out wise counsel and we decided (at the time with the limited information that we had) it was a good decision to take the medication. I believe we made the right decision at that time but Cymbalta did not help the pain and made me more emotionally numb. If you are told you have anxiety or depression, i do not recommend mood altering medication. If you look on the site, it is said, "The exact way Cymbalta works in people is unknown." Sounds dangerous to me and i can tell you, the side effects and withdrawals are not exactly a breezy walk in the park.

As for psychiatry and therapy - i do not recommend those either. Most ideas you will be taught will only help you become more selfish and introspective which can potentially make your spiritual condition worse. There are some helpful insights from psychology (which my bff Beth can tell you more about than i can) but if it is not applied through the lens of the Gospel, it can be damaging. My suggestion is Biblical Counseling.

Hebrews 4:12-16 says, "¹²For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. ¹³And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account. ¹⁴Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. ¹⁵For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. ¹⁶ Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Who better to help you heal that the One who knows all? The Word became flesh in the God-man Jesus Christ, the ultimate healer.

Since i have begun fighting repression to deal with the sin thrust upon me and my sinful reactions to such, the somatization has almost completely reversed. My body is still pretty weak due to the duration of the chronic pain, as well as pain relapses from time to time when i get really overwhelmed, but no longer is it crazy pain every minute of every day. It is an important step, but i will tell you that spiritual pain is far worse than physical pain could ever be. It makes me dwell on that moment on the cross when Jesus experienced spiritual death. His body and mind were tortured but it was the spiritual pain of being separated from the Father that made Him cry out.

So far, Christ has helped me begin to win the perhaps continual battle against depression and anxiety; which (in my case) are sinful reactions. The PTSD however is still visceral. A slammed door, loud footsteps and metal clanging against metal are a few things that cause a reaction that seems to be in my body separate from my logical and rational mind. This is helped by taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), holding fast to the Word and remembering that God is sovereign. My plan now is to study the doctrine of adoption that says those who are in Christ are given not a spirit of fear but that of adoption (Romans 8:15, 23), predestined to be adopted through Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1:5; Galatians 1:5).

Unfortunately Arnie is still alive and well yet provides opportunities to work out my faith. So the plan for Thriving with Arnie now is to keep you updated on resources and insights i find as a result of the studying to come.

For anyone struggling to believe that God could have loved you so much that He has smitten His perfect son to adopt you, i highly recommend listening to C.J. Mahaney's sermon, God as Father: Understanding the Doctrine of Adoption as well as reading, Adopted for Life by Russel Moore and chapter 19 of Knowing God by JI Packer as recommended to me by my pastor. C.J. also recommends Children of the Living God, by Sinclare Ferguson and Adopted into Gods Family by Trevor Burke.

Love is terrifying and God has shown it will cost you everything, yet we receive the merciful love of God. It is not an even trade - we receive so much more!