Okay, anyway... it is very peaceful and nice to slow down.
It actually took a while for me to get over being embarrassed riding around in my new geriatric transportation. Every time i sat in the chair, it reminded me how trapped i feel in a broken body, not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again in this life. Then the self pity would kick in, why would God give me such passion without the means to carry it out? Thank Christ i have eternity to look forward to! What a let down it would be if the only thing i had to look forward to is dancing! I have a daily reminder of God's love and grace!
Today, as i was scooting, i saw a bundle of papers rolled up and secured with an orange elastic band just chilling on some one's front lawn (i was on Westholm in Westwood where people have front lawns). I felt the urge to pick it up but ignored that little voice and rationalized that the papers must be some one's homework. They might be back for it. So i continued on my way. On the way back i approached the house and the papers were still on the lawn, just blown down wind a bit. Noticing them again, i continued on but a little voice took hold inside me.
The other day i was at CVS to pick up a few essentials. I knew exactly how much i had in the bank so i decided to splurge on some hair product. A little voice suggested that that wouldn't be a great idea. I ignored it. A day later i looked at my bank account and an $11 check i had totally forgotten about cleared. Because i decided to not listen to that voice, my account was overdrawn.
Flashing back to that instance, i turned my scooter around to retrieve the papers. The roll of papers were perfectly placed within my reach on the raised lawn. Like a child on Christmas morning i slid the orange elastic off and began to read. The first sheet was a poem. Immediately i was irritated and convinced that i had picked up some junior higher's homework. Honestly, in my opinion, the whole thing was pretty lame. But by grace, i read on (i'm sure in light of Christ i'm pretty lame). It was rough, but the last couple lines really spoke to my heart which has been broken over dance.
Broken Heart
Tears forms in the eyes of a lonely man.
They are tears of frustration,
because he just doesn't understand.
Filled with hate, he cries out that he's been treated unfairly,
and now his heart is broken.
He's done well for himself, but he's missing
that one special thing...love.
He wonders how God could just sit up there and ignore him.
He thinks nothing really good has happened to him,
so he spends his life chasing those things men can't get enough of.
He has lost touch with himself and God,
and now he's mad because there is no good life,
no really good times, and no one above.
Aching inside, he feels he's been overlooked
or just down right ignored.
With raised fist, he looks to the heavens and starts to swear.
But with a deeper thought and a pause, he realizes that,
if his heart is broken from rejection and denial,
so must God's.
I am crying for a nickel, while He is trying to give me a twenty.
Tears forms in the eyes of a lonely man.
They are tears of frustration,
because he just doesn't understand.
Filled with hate, he cries out that he's been treated unfairly,
and now his heart is broken.
He's done well for himself, but he's missing
that one special thing...love.
He wonders how God could just sit up there and ignore him.
He thinks nothing really good has happened to him,
so he spends his life chasing those things men can't get enough of.
He has lost touch with himself and God,
and now he's mad because there is no good life,
no really good times, and no one above.
Aching inside, he feels he's been overlooked
or just down right ignored.
With raised fist, he looks to the heavens and starts to swear.
But with a deeper thought and a pause, he realizes that,
if his heart is broken from rejection and denial,
so must God's.
I am crying for a nickel, while He is trying to give me a twenty.
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