Shut Up and Drink

Praying for myself lately has been difficult. I realize that the hour has come, i am called to drink of this cup. I am not happy about it and it isn't something i chose, but God chose it so it must be good.

Today i spent 7 hours in a waiting room so the doctor could tell me my appointments were never made and that all my blood tests are normal. It makes me wish i could ignore and hide the pain. There isn't any proof of my symptoms other than what i say. The way the doctors look at me makes me feel like a liar. The way people look at me makes me feel like a poser. The other day i was on my scooter and a guy stopped me in the elevator:
Guy: You just taking it easy?
Me: What?
Guy: You just taking it easy?
Me: I don't understand.
Guy: You are not disabled.
Me: Excuse me?
Guy: Your legs look too strong for you to be disabled. So you ride to take it easy.
Me: i have neuropathy.
Guy: Whats that?

Sigh. You are right. You got me. I'm not disabled, i am lazy. I am not in pain, i like hanging out in the ER all day... praise God my filter is working and i've never said that to anyone... just you, my one loyal reader ;-).

Jesus gave an amazing example of prayer for these situations.

John 17:1-5 ¹When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, "Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, ²since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. ³ And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. ⁴I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. ⁵And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.


Matthew 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."

I have trouble with praying this over and over. No matter how true, it becomes trite to the point that i just shut up and drink. I ask only how i may glorify God through it; though deep down i feel it is enough already... crying like i am innocent.
I guess praying that prayer over and over isn't necessary. I have prayed, God knows how i feel better than i do so... ? Father the hour has come, let me suffer well.