Test Results On Earth

I received test results back yesterday. It was just blood results that all came back negative. Yes, this is good news; however, for the past three years there has been nothing but negative test results. I am ready for them to find something. God is giving me more opportunity to trust Him... and i'm blowing it.

I am a bit frustrated reading the analysis report. The doctors tested for stuff i told them i've already been tested negative for (and gave them the documentation). They recorded my symptoms wrong (even though i gave them a printed list) as well as some of my health history. They did report that my body temperature is a bit low... which would explain why i've been wearing sweaters and Uggs in 80 and 90 degree weather. It could just mean i'm anemic again.

So the impingement of my spinal chord is still an option and now they think it could be an inability to uptake B12. They are now asking for more blood and an MRI of my cervical and thoracic spine. They originally ordered the MRI September 11th, and i am still waiting to receive the notice of the appointment. It should come buy the first week of November. Patience still.

This fall i was to perform in a production of Moliere's Imaginary Invalid, (ironically) but i passed out during rehearsal and then had cerebral spinal vertigo (which just means i was really, really dizzy) and had to bow out. I ended up missing three days of classes because of the vertigo (week before mid-terms) and then had to deal with financial aid and personal mayhem.
Now, i remember a week when, my car broke, a branch came through my bathroom window, and my finances were confused. At a certain point it was just funny. It was all just material stuff that did not matter much. This time is different. I am having a hard time laughing about this. So much stuff that i care about was dumped on my plate at once and i lost track of God's sovereignty. I got lost and tried to fix it all on my own, by my own strength. Suddenly more stuff came loose. My wits and will power were gone and i had made things worse.

God is wrecking me and showing me that the things i care about are (although good things) not that important when compared to The Living God.

It is easy to get lost in those 'good things' and then begin to idolize them. Then you are (i am) obsessing about those things instead of God. I didn't realize how tied up in my body i am. I guess it is easy; we've been in our bodies our whole lives, we feel real things in these bodies and we fight to keep them healthy and alive. But that is no excuse. If i have been raised with Christ, (as i have) then my heart should be set on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. My mind should be set on things above, not on earthly things... which includes this broken, fallen body that does nothing but keep me here on earth.

... okay, not nothing. God does a great work in each of us, but you get my point. I am an impatient little sinner and i want to go Home.