PEACE LIKE A RIVER

As the 4th anniversary of my new birthday approaches, reflections of my walk with Christ invade my thoughts like a joyful nightmare. Juxtaposition you say? Tell me about it. The craziness that has been my life has been one hard slam after crazy situation and repeat. Yet all the while God has provided, making the result of such pain a closeness to Him. First Peter chapter one (my fave!) speaks about believers being plagued by various trials so that the tested genuineness of faith may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. It is because of this that one is able to rejoice with a joy that is inexpressible.

Since we are talking favorites, here is my favorite hymn and the story behind it as plagiarized from Wikipedia.

This hymn was written after several traumatic events in Horatio Gates Spafford’s life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871, shortly followed by the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer). Then in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the S.S. Ville du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.

PEACE LIKE A RIVER

When peace like a river, attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

He lives--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought;
My sin, not in part, but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Oh my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

And, Lord, haste the day when our faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trumpet shall sound, and the Lord shall descend;
Even so, it is well with my soul...

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

~~Horatio Gates Spafford
[1873]

In the past four years there have been many times of loss where i was able to say, it is well with my soul. But much more often have been times of panic. And now that i am allowing Christ to heal my heart, the events that produced post-traumatic stress disorder to take over my body and mind have proved to be the hardest trial yet. Nameless triggers cause consuming panic attacks, flashbacks and black-outs leaving me in one of the following: a teary hot mess, ready to throw the first punch or take cover ("fight or flight") and even in a blinding rage. In those moments, the only help is God's Truth. However, i am not always surrounded by believers or have a Bible handy. You might say, "Memorize scripture silly!" In the midst of an attack the rational mind somehow disconnects. It is as if the sinful fear or rage takes all things good, puts them in irons and locks them up in the attic of my mind. My flesh takes over to put me to my demise.

Like any *temptuous sin we struggle with, it is a process of practice. If i were to get an eviction notice or find the government had canceled SSI, i have enough practice in those situations to praise God. However, in dealing with the ever complex human psyche (especially woman's psyche) my practice is in repression not redemption.

We all have hidden His word in our hearts that we might not sin against Him - reminding us of His goodness. For my spiritual health i have designed a reminder etched on my left wrist. I am a visual person so my hope is that the constant reminder of what The LORD has done for me will pull me out of an attack or even prevent them! It is a personal reminder that no matter what, God is good and He will continue to carry me through any situation somehow, someway (and what a conversation starter, huh?!). Ironically enough, the physical pain that has been at work to liken me to Christ began in my left wrist four years ago. I couldn't have planned it better myself.


* Original word found in, "Jenni's Dictionary for the Dialectically Challenged"

For my non-musical friends, the lyrics are encased in repeat signs which calls for the lyrics to be repeated, followed by notes ending on a fermata rest which is to be held as long as the Composer/Conductor indicates = a calmed and quieted soul... at least that is the goal.