We don't love people, not really. Sure, on a Sunday morning we hug and exchange mostly trivial conversations like, "how was your week". What about Sunday night? Tuesday afternoon? How much do we really care about how others are doing and how much of ourselves are we willing to sacrifice ministering to one who is cast down? How many times have we asked, "how have you been?" and feel imposed upon when someone answers honestly? A heart change is needed. As fallen people we have a proclivity to self-absorption. What happens to others is secondary. If our faith is in Christ The Messiah, and He is LORD of our life, we are called to count others more significant than ourselves. Christ DIED for us; thus, as little Christs we should be willing to take a (most likely metaphorical) bullet for one another. Christ DIED for us; the least we could do is love His people.
In my opinion, if you have trouble really loving people, i would call into question your love for God. Honestly. Who are you serving? When you accept Christ into your heart and He fills you with the Holy Spirit, you are forever changed. When you love God, you want to please Him. When you love Christ you want to serve Him. When you are convicted the first time and are on your knees asking for forgiveness, not only is grace freely given but also given is the Holy Spirit as Comforter. The offended not only forgives but also gives an eternal gift?! How does that not change your perspective forever? How does that not make you want to give all that you are able back to Him and His people?
Being some one who has been in trial for the majority of her walk, i am especially ashamed of this particular stumble. Yet feeling shame in this way is assuming I'm perfect. I'm not perfect. Christ is, was and will always be - how awesome is it that He still loves us?! This is a time of sanctification, and the place to start is prayer. We must ask God to break us, circumcise our hearts to be more like His Son. And as God does that work in our hearts we must continue forward. We don't do nothing until we can perfectly love people (which doesn't happen this side of Eternity). It is almost guaranteed that we will say something stupid to some one in need. We should expect God to use our stupidity for good.
My most embarrassing was saying, "I'm sorry," to some one when i had previously expressed my aversion to the phrase. Saying "I'm sorry," never helps and actually makes things more awkward and helps a person into self pity. Sometimes people will ask how things are going, wanting to help. This person wants to speak into the sufferer's life but if they aren't living life together, the advice is usually insulting/unsolicited/uneducated. If you only ask about some one's life when you bump into that person, the sufferer may feel like a burden that you don't really want to deal with. If you go out of our way to love on some one, that person will feel less like a burden. The impression grows from, "Well, you are here so i guess i should talk to you," to, "i want to love you."
This is not something we have the capacity to accomplish ourselves. Yes, there is a definite need for heart change. While that is happening i have a few suggestions from my perspective. These thoughts are mainly geared toward those who are in trial but can be applied to anyone who may cross your path.
Prayer- right then and there, ask if you can pray with the person. Put a hand on them and pray for as long as it takes.
Touch- a friendly rub on the shoulder or back, or a hug. This is huge! Especially if you don't know what to say or don't have the credibility to advise. I find that comforters want to say that one thing that will make everything better... they can't. Just let the person know you are there, present and loving.
Acknowledgment - instead of saying 'I'm sorry', say something like, "that must be tough". This is a good comment that 1)may open someone up to offer more information, and 2) affirms that what the person is going through is a legitimate trial (may not seem like great trial to everyone but it is important to that person and important to God). Then follow immediately with either, "what is God revealing to you about Himself through this" or (especially for a new believer) a reminder of God's promises (Romans 8, Hebrews 4, esp Hebrews 4:14-16, Philippians, etc.).
Cry - just cry with them. Romans 12:13 urges us to weep with those who weep. Don't be afraid of tears, yours or someone else's.
Service - prayer first and foremost, then practical service. Sometimes a person won't know what they need, so offer ideas based on what you know about the situation. Something i have always really appreciated about my bff, Beth is she scolds me when i over exert myself and takes things out of my hands. Sometimes she momentarily forgets and i go ahead and open a heavy door or lift something. She says, "why am i letting you do that?" as she is taking the object from me.
Sometimes a sufferer is too proud, or feels they may ask too much of someone or actually wont know what is needed. Sometimes we need to acknowledge the need and just do it.
Hang time- meeting with or calling throughout the week, not primarily to ask about trials, (though that will most likely come up) but to love on that person simply because they are a brother or sister in Christ. It is easy to wonder if people actually care or if they pity you if all conversation is centered around the trial. Plus, sometimes the sufferer is tired of talking about it and really needs a friendly distraction.
Check in- Greg Harris, author of The Cup and the Glory, told this great story about how his editor cared for his family. A year after his twin daughters died at birth, Greg's editor sent him a card that simply said, "Doesn't Heaven look brighter now?"
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