Dear Prudence, My boyfriend and I are in a healthy and loving relationship, and we are beginning to talk about marriage. We both want the same number of kids at the same point in our lives. It is presumed that these will be our biological children. The issue is, I'm not sure that I would want to bear my boyfriend's children. While he is incredibly intelligent and has a great personality, he is markedly less physically attractive than I am. We get occasional lighthearted comments from friends and family about the discrepancy. Having biological children has never been important to me, and I think adoption is great. I believe that he will be an amazing father and that our children, biological or adopted, would be bright and well-behaved as a result of good parenting. Should I bring these thoughts up with him? I think he would be open to the idea of adoption but would also be hurt by my rationale. At what point should we discuss this more seriously, and how should I tell him how I feel?
—Skinny [@*&#!]
Dear Skinny, You're wise to avoid the potential tragedy of reproducing with your boyfriend: Your children could get his looks and your personality. Perhaps your boyfriend's already got an inkling of how you feel because of the Leonardo DiCaprio mask you ask him to wear when you make love. And although Brad and Angelina are both fecund and support adoption, I'm not sure they're going to agree to place any of their future progeny with you just to help you avoid the embarrassment of having a child who looks like your boyfriend. I'm trying to imagine how you initiate this discussion with him. Something like: "I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. But when it comes to having kids, I'm sure that if we adopt we'll have a better shot of having decent-looking ones than if I let you impregnate me with your hideous sperm." That should go over well! What's supposed to happen when you are in love with someone (who also happens to be intelligent and have a great personality) is that you discover, despite objective measures, that person is beautiful to you. Your boyfriend sounds like a catch, so maybe you should toss him back so that he has a chance to find someone who's not permanently stuck in the shallow end.
—Prudie
A guy friend once told me, "if you are not a good looking guy, you can't go dating a Mercedes. Ya have 'ta stick with a '87 Honda Civic."
I hear girls all the time sizing each other up, "She is much prettier than me. He'll definitely go for her, i don't have a chance."
I often struggle with my appearance; not so much my body but how i move now that i am in pain a lot and times that i use a mobility device. Satin whispers little self pitying lies in my ear such as, "what man would want a crippled wife who moves like a 90 year-old?" LIES, LIES, LIES! These are all LIES.
And regardless, Jesus says,
"6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."
Luke 12:6-7
The wisest man that ever lived aside from Jesus said:
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
24to preserve you from the evil woman,
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
26for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,
but a married woman hunts down a precious life.
Proverbs 6:24-26
16 A gracious woman gets honor,
Proverbs 11:16
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*snaps* :)
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