Over the River and Through the Woods, to the Neurologist's Office We Go!

It certainly seems i have traveled over the river and through the woods to get to this doctor. Yes, January 13th, a week from today, i will finally see a specialist who can take the time to study my symptoms and hopefully diagnose me! I am so excited for this and nervous as well. There is always the chance that this doctor will have no idea what to do with me either.

Over the course of these three years i have come to terms with a few things.

1. I have resigned myself to being physically ill (and believe me, i fought it) because that is where God has me right now.

2. I would be perfectly happy if this ended with me going Home sooner than later. So many nights of pain have brought me to cry out, "Abba Father, take me Home!" To be in the presence of God, for Him to wipe away my tears for all time... i cannot express how joyful that would make me!

3. If this illness was incurable and continually progressive, i have definitely been prepared for that. It would be difficult, but i trust that God would continue to use it for His glory.

4. If the doctor was to find something, treat it and cure me... man, talk about life change! All those that are close to me now, met me when i was already ill. They would possibly see another side of me that has been oppressed by this illness. I would be able to work again... what would i do... everything! There are so many desires stored up in my heart that would then be freed!

5. The doctor could tell me, "I don't know." This one scares me most of all. I am the person that needs to understand everything. If something doesn't make sense, i figure it out. After all this, i could tell you more than you would ever want to know about neuropathy (and symptoms of the like), medicare, disabled parking, how the nervous system works, and so on. This is a sin i struggle with daily. I "need" to know, yet sometimes only God knows and i have such a hard time trusting that i do not need to know.

Regardless of my fears i know they are not greater than my God. It pleases me that the thought of only #2 and #4 make my eyes well up. Either one of those two would result in my dancing before the Lord and that is my greatest desire.

Praise God that no matter what happens our comfort can be in Eternity. All comfort comes from Christ.

Isaiah 40:1-14, 27-31

1 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and cry to her that her warfare is ended,
that her iniquity is pardoned,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand double for all her sins.
3 A voice cries: "In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD;
make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
4 Every valley shall be lifted up,
and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
and the rough places a plain.
5 And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

6A voice says, "Cry!"
And I said, "What shall I cry?"All flesh is grass,
and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
7The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the LORD blows on it;
surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.

9Get you up to a high mountain,
O Zion, herald of good news;
lift up your voice with strength,
O Jerusalem, herald of good news;
lift it up, fear not;
say to the cities of Judah,
"Behold your God!"
10 Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,
and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him.
11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD,
or what man shows him his counsel?
14Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?

27Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,"My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God"?
28Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.