Life Goes On... and on...

I hope this isn't too honest for you guys but, i have been longing for Heaven so much lately.
The constant physical struggle has made me weary and possibly lazy. The symptoms change so much day to day that it is difficult to determine whether my body needs rest, or if i am being slothful. What i can say for sure is that i have gotten lazy in life. Yes, my body is a mess and it is hard to get around, but there is a reason for all of this. It probably isn't healthy to strive to understand the, "why", but healthy to find how this struggle can benefit and encourage others. It is so easy to get wrapped up in my own body and forget that my struggles effect/affect those around me. Wanting to be healthy (and longing for Heaven) is a healthy desire. However, if i let that desire take over instead of seeking first the Kingdom of God, then it (for me) becomes an obsession... or at the very least a distraction from Him... which is huge.

Pain is a funny thing (not 'ha, ha', funny but 'hmmm', funny). With intense pain, it is hard to think of anything else, especially when it is your head that hurts. Pain encompasses my mind like sin can so easily do. The difference is, sin is a choice, my physical pain is God's plan for me and out of my control. Having pain is not my choice but how i deal with it is. It is not all about me. My life is a sacrifice to God and this pain is His, not mine. And now... what do i do with that?